


A Very Peevesy Xmas

by Quantum_Witch



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Holiday, Humor, Magical Creatures, One-Shot, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-10-11
Updated: 2001-10-11
Packaged: 2017-10-08 09:25:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/75215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quantum_Witch/pseuds/Quantum_Witch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Using the basic format of "A Visit From St. Nick", Peeves the poltergeist tells about Xmas at Hogwarts his own way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Peevesy Xmas

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for an old Yahoo Group I ran just for Peeves... or rather moderated for Peeves himself to run. Amok. He was fun.

On Winter Solstice Eve all through Hogwarts school  
`twas very quiet indeed for most went home for Yule  
Dobby had laundered all his mismatched socks  
While Winky indulged in more butterbeer on the rocks  
The children that stayed their curfew did ignore  
to go snog `neath the mistletoe hung from every door  
Professor McGonagall sighed with great dismay  
And claimed that she never did such things in her day  
Dumbledore merely chuckled over cocoa served hot  
Filch grumbled sourly as not one student got caught  
And plotted with Snape over detentions forthcoming  
As Hagrid swigged eggnog while merrily humming

`Twas so very very quiet one heard falling snowflakes  
not a peep from young badgers, lions, ravens, or snakes  
so blissful, serene, and downright deadly dull  
that one member of Hogwarts felt it drill into his skull  
and away he went like a flash of Muggle dynamite  
shattering all peace and quiet of the Yuletide night  
he tore up all the classrooms, shouted rude rhymes  
tossed pictures from walls and burped quite loudly sometimes

Filch leapt to his feet and dashed up the stairs  
As though every deity had finally answered his prayers  
_"I'll have you this time!"_ he bellowed with glee  
_"and put an end to your menace, I guarantee!_  
Peeves!" he yelled out, skidding to a halt  
_"I knew it was you! It's always your fault!_  
You've disturbed our Yule quiet for the very last time!  
I've caught you red-handed at the scene of your crime!"

The poltergeist tossed a dungbomb at Filch's head  
And away through the walls of the castle he sped  
Screeching and shouting `til all were wide awake  
Even ghosts were tossed about like old leaves in his wake  
Sleepers dashed from their beds thinking Hogwarts was afire  
Sir Nicholas huffed in annoyance to the Fat Friar  
_"Oh, he's done it this time, sure to be tossed out!  
Even Peeves should know Yule's no time for mucking about!"_

Everyone followed Peeves as he clattered and crashed  
`til at last the largest tree in the Great Hall was smashed  
the Bloody Baron came forth and Peeves trembled in fear  
when suddenly Dumbledore spoke, and all turned to hear  
_"Peeves please, calm yourself, tell us your reason_  
for disrupting our quiet celebration of the season?"  
the Headmaster asked gently, with a twinkling eye  
for he knew that to him the poltergeist would not lie

Peeves puffed out his cheeks and considered what to say  
He'd ruined all the presents, maybe even Christmas day  
He hung his bell-hatted head, his voice became coy,  
_"Only wanted to be part of the fun and the joy…_  
Was so quiet, so still, unlike Yuletimes past  
With the singing and dancing, all night it would last  
Now no one wants noise, let's give fun a breather  
Peeves thinks that perhaps… no one wants him, either…"

There was utter silence then as everyone thought hard  
Peeves' true feelings had caught them all quite off guard  
Dumbledore settled the matter with a smile and wink  
_"There's a simple enough cure for poltergeist doldrums, I think"_  
He waved his wand and the Hall decorations were restored  
Turned to Peeves who had only been lonesome and bored  
_"You are welcome to join in our Yule celebration  
for you're right, we could use a bit more animation"_

And for the rest of the day and into the long eve  
There was more laughing and jesting that one can conceive  
And Peeves floated on clouds of noisy delight  
Screaming _"Now at last we've got a Yule party done RIGHT!"_

**Author's Note:**

> Do not republish or distribute this story, in whole or in part, anywhere else without my permission.


End file.
